As my senior year begins remotely from my college bedroom, I have found myself embracing the quiet storm of comparison more than I wish. I am grateful to be back in the city I attend college, along with the opportunity to be around my roommates and closest friends. I am also grateful to continue my education with the occasional face-to-face classes; however, this new routine of life allows me a lot of time at home. Whether I'm working on homework, or attending an online class, I am on technology more than I wish. And this constant accessibility to the simple scroll of social media is making me wish I was in any other phase of life than the one I'm in right now.
I celebrated my 22nd birthday last week and although it looked different than most birthdays, I truthfully had a great week of abundant love. However, this new week is back to my same routine and at times I feel lost and lonely. I know I am not alone in this world as I am gratefully surrounded by people who love me... which is why I call this a quiet storm. Our generation has grown up within the social media culture and we have all struggled with different types of comparison. I have lived (and still live) the treacherous life of comparing my looks and body to those of the models I see on Instagram, but now I find myself comparing the phase of life I'm in to the people I follow on social media. At the beginning of quarantine, this was not much of an issue as no one was traveling and we were all experiencing life at home. But now, when I decide to take a break from homework and unhealthily look at social media, I feel my mood change. I have friends traveling and experiencing different states and nature, getting engaged, married, pregnant. Or even people starting their careers and living the life they’ve always looked forward to. I don’t doubt that these people still have struggles or even that they’ve felt what I’m feeling now; yet, we don’t talk about it as much, it remains quiet.
Comparison is an enemy. It tells us that no matter what we have, it will never be enough and what a depressing state to be in. Although my life may look different right now than my 8-year-old self dreamt it would look like, I am exactly where God wants me to be and so are the many people I find myself comparing my life to. God is constantly preparing us and shaping us into the daughters and sons of Him, He has created us to be. This is not an easy statement that can turn our lives around, but it is a simple reminder we can consistently tell ourselves to remember to live in the moment and enjoy the life we are in now. Because every experience and moment we live shapes us for the next.
I’ve always put my life and experiences on a made-up timeline. Which has shaped me to believe the lie that I am not where I’m supposed to be… however, I am who I’m meant to be and that is the most important. I may not be traveling out west, planning a wedding, or starting my career. Instead, I am enjoying the world around me today. I’m waking up with a grateful heart and working on the little improvements I can make daily to be the daughter of Christ I am meant to be.
So, if you find yourself in a similar situation as me, remind yourself that our lives are not supposed to be in sync with those around us. We’re set on our own mission for happiness and we’re not meant to do it alone. Your storm may be loud and you understand exactly where you’re struggling, or maybe it’s been quiet like mine, building up overtime and silently bringing you down. Whatever the storm, it’s time to let the light in. Understand your journey and the hardships it has taken to get here, but don’t forget the light of love around you. Find the little things that make you happy, like a rooftop photo shoot for me. And remember You are loved, You always have been, and You always will be. That will never be on a timeline and will never change regardless of the phase of life you are living.
xoxo, Mal :)